There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
