when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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