I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
