Sponge bath it is.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
