she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
