Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
