it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize