your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just want nice things and good sex
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
