and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
