he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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