Welp...herpes.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
