i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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