filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
