Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
