I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
