I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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