I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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