Pants 0. Shit 1.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
