that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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