How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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