Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
