So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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