How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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