My cat gives me a boner
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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