So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
