Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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