So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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