I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
