I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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