It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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