so that wasnt chicken after all
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
