My cat gives me a boner
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
