You're completely useless in the revolution.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
