How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
