I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
