So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
