I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
