We won't sleep together?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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