Don't you send me to vm
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
