They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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