There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
