i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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