I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
