Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
