You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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