My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
