Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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