My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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