you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
