whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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