im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
