i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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