He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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