I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
