I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
