Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
