I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
