her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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