Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
