careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
