We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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