I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
