im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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