Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
