Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
