how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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