I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
