You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
