can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
