oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im holly from the hills drunk
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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