I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
