You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
