Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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