Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
