8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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