Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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