There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
