Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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